4 Tips To Get Over An Ex

Having a relationship come to an end isn't any fun, and anybody that tells you differently is either lying or delusional. If you have been through a break up, then you are not alone; it happens to almost everybody at least once in their lives. But trying to get over an ex can be a lot harder to deal with than the break up itself. The good news is that there are things you can do to get on with your life.

1. Let it out. You're human and you have feelings. However, keeping them bottled up will only lead to trouble of one kind or another. It can effect your health, or you may take out your negative feelings on people who had nothing to do with your break up. Therefore, it's important let your feelings out and to find positive ways to express them. A good way to do this is to write a letter to your ex. Say everything you can think of, call them names, tell them off, pour your heart out. Feel free to write anything, because nobody will ever read it. Once the letter is done, burn it. This exercise works on many different levels and will help you to get over the break up.

2. Get rid of the reminders. The longer you have been involved in a relationship, the more stuff you will have that reminds you of your ex. It's okay to keep them if you really want to, but put them out of sight for a while. Store them in an attic, or see if a trusted friend or family member can take them. You can get the stuff back once you are sure you are over your ex.

3. Use a support network. This is just a fancy way of saying you have family and friends that care about you. They want what's best for you, so be sure to go to them when you need somebody to talk to. Be careful to not overdo it to the point of being a nuisance, but don't be afraid to talk to them either. Sometimes just talking to somebody is all it takes to start moving on.

4. Live your life. While you may be focusing on the negative aspects of breaking up, there are some positive points as well. One of those is that you are no longer limited by your ex. If you want to start a new hobby or take a long dreamed of vacation, then nobody's stopping you. Go out with friends and have some fun. Not only will you have a blast, but it will also help you to get your mind off your ex.

It won't always be easy, but you can move on. Following the tips above will put you on the right track to get over an ex. Give it time and stick with it; you will be happier than ever and that will make all of your efforts worthwhile.

Boyfriend Girlfriend Quizzes-Are You A Good One Or Bad One

Boyfriend girlfriend quizzes can be a fun way to find out what kind of girlfriend or boyfriend you would make. They are just simple quizzes that will take your answers and calculate just what kind of girlfriend/boyfriend you would be.

I am sure you all have taken one of those quizzes, you know the ones. The ones where it asks you what character you are from a movie or something. Well these quizzes are basically that, you answer as best you can and it tells you what it thinks you will be.

Now obviously these are not some fool proof method to help you find your soul mate. They are just fun things to do in your spare time. That aside, they can be fairly helpful at helping you realize just what kind of person you are and what kind of boyfriend/girlfriend you would make.

Some of the more detailed quizzes out there can really go in depth about your personality. You can be taking them and really think long and hard about who you are and what you could contribute to a relationship.

If you are already in a relationship they can prove to be a fun activity you can do with your boyfriend or girlfriend. The two of you can take a quiz and find out if you are true soul mates, or laugh as it says you should be at each other's throats.

Since there are so many of those types of boyfriend girlfriend quizzes out there on the internet, you can go around trying different ones to see if you can get different answers. You could see if it is a universal truth where all the quizzes say the same thing, or if they all say completely different things.

You can also send those quizzes that you thought were really great to your friends. It is always fun seeing what those sort of things say about the people you know and you can make it a little game amongst your circle of friends.

There are dozens of types of quizzes as well. You can take a quiz to determine just what kind of boyfriend or girlfriend you could be. Or you could take a quiz to determine what kind of boyfriend or girlfriend is the perfect match for you.

There are also quizzes designed to be taken together. So you can get with your boyfriend or girlfriend and take the quiz and see just how compatible you really are. These types of quizzes tend to be fairly long and in depth so if you feel like doing one make sure to set aside enough time to complete it.

No matter what kind of quiz you are looking for, you can probably find it somewhere on the internet. And although these quizzes are far from scientific fact, they can prove to be not only fun, but fairly enlightening as well. They can show you facets of yourself that you may not have realized before, or give you insight into what kind of partner you would be good with.

Become A Confident Girlfriend

To be a confident girlfriend you first need to be a confident woman.  Although appearing insecure and frightened may appeal to some men because they can then be the protective one, but most men don't like insecure women.  When a woman is insecure she will constantly worry about losing her man and will become very possessive off him.  She may constantly question him and want to know where he is and what he is doing all the time and a man will soon become tired of this.  Instead, it is best to be confident, smart and independent and he will be proud to be your man.

There are men that are bullies and treat their girlfriends badly and usually this is because the man is insecure.  They tried to hide their insecurities by being in control of the relationship and the woman.  They think that if they are in control then they are more of a man.  If you have a man like this then he may not react well to your change if you become independent and confident but if a man is like this then you need to ask yourself if he is really the man you want to spend your life with.

If you feel that you are insecure and get very jealous then there are some questions that you need to ask yourself so you can become more confident.

Why are you so jealous?  Is there a reason to be jealous?  Has your boyfriend been unfaithful and caused you to lose trust in him?  Does your boyfriend flirt with other girls just to make you jealous?  Have you been cheated on by a previous boyfriend?  Or are you just an insecure person and always have been? 

You need to ask yourself these questions and find out the reason for your jealousy and insecurity.  Only when you find the reason can you fix it.  You may need to see a counselor for a while to work through your insecurities and learn to be confident and happy with your life and your relationship.

When you know the reason for your insecurities, whether they are from something that has happened in the past or whether they are from something your boyfriend is doing, when you know the reason you can then combat your insecurities and become more confident in yourself.

In some cases you may have been confident in the past but for some reason have become insecure within your relationship.  This can happen if you and your boyfriend are on different levels when it comes to relationships.  You may feel that you love him more than he loves you or you need him more than he needs you.  If you have these feelings then it is natural that you will begin to feel insecure.

These insecurities can deepen the problem and when he knows you are insecure he may begin to love you or need you less.  Sometimes it may be a big misconception that you believe you love him more than he loves you and if you talk to him about it you might find that it isn't the case.  If you can learn to be confident again then you will once again be the confident person he first fell in love with and this can bring back the spark and the love in the relationship.

After Adultery - Saving a Relationship Is Hard Work

Putting a relationship back together after adultery may not be impossible, but it will be very, very difficult. In order for the two of you to fix your broken relationship, you will both need to be willing to do whatever is needed and commit to the relationship fully. There can be no half hearted attempts or it simply won't work.

Many couples will make their first step to seek the help of a therapist which may be a great idea. The truth is that the two of you are in an emotionally heightened state and may not be able to keep your calm during the process. Having an objective third party who can moderate the process might really help the two of you make some headway.

If one or both of you are determined to do it on your own, than you can, but it may be more difficult and even more painful. 

It's important for both of you to understand that there is no excuse for infidelity, but nothing happens in a vacuum either. While you don't need to, nor should you, condone cheating it is often the sign of other problems in the relationship. Facing up to those problems and finding constructive solutions to them may be the answer to moving on after adultery.

As a matter of fact, dealing with these underlying issues may be a way to make your relationship better than it has been in a long time or maybe even better than it has ever been. You just have to get over this hurdle, and it is a big one.

Of course if the one who committed the adultery is a chronic cheater and this is a long standing pattern of behavior rather than a one time moment of weakness, the odds of ever having an adult, respectful relationship with them are slim to none.

I am not trying to be harsh, but facts are facts. If the person you are in a relationship with has shown through their actions that they are so flawed and lacking honesty or integrity that they habitually cheat on whoever they are with do not think that they are just going to turn over a new leaf and be the person you want them to be... they won't.

If you are in a relationship with this type of person you really would be wise to cut your losses and move on before they cause you anymore pain. Someone who is so fundamentally flawed can never be a worthy partner and you deserve better, everyone does.

If you decide that you simply can not forgive your partner, or they cannot forgive you, then you will have no choice but to move on. Be willing to give it time and if it was you that did the cheating, make some much needed changes.

Moving on after adultery whether you decide to try to work on your relationship or just call it quits and move on, will be a process. It is not going to happen quickly and it will not happen with out some pain, but it can happen.  Just keep your dignity intact and be prepared for the battle of your life.

Are You A Senior Looking For Romance - Open Your Mind

Dating can be a bit daunting when you are a senior but you deserve to be happy so why not take the chance and try to find that special person that can add some romance into your life.  The hardest step is making the actual decision to go ahead and get back into the dating game.

Here are some tips that can help you re-enter the dating scene.

1. Enter the dating scene with an open mind.  Remember that you are much older than you were when you were dating as s teen or young adult and the men you will be dating are also much older.  Physical attraction is important but just don't expect a James Dean lookalike.  Compatibility is also very important and you want to date someone with similar interests that you will be comfortable spending time with.

2. Don't expect to find Mr. Right on your first date; it is never as easy as that.  You may need to go on a few dates with different people before finding the right man for you.  Often love finds you when you aren't looking for it so just be open to meeting new people and even widen your circle of friends, you never know where you will find Mr. Right.

3. Don't be in a rush to find Mr. Right, just take your time.  When you start dating someone just take things slowly and let the relationship progress at its own pace.  Just go out and enjoy yourself and if the man you date isn't happy to take things slow, then he probably isn't Mr. Right anyway.

4. Don't spend your first date talking about your ex.  There is nothing that will scare a man off faster than someone constantly talking about their ex.  It doesn't matter if you talk about him in a nice way or a bad way, just don't talk about him much or at all.

5. Join a dating club, a seniors club or an online dating site.  There are many ways to meet new people if you put yourself out there and join some of these organisations.  Just sign up and enjoy yourself doing it, if you are too apprehensive this will come across to your potential date. You will be much more attractive to a man if you are seen as someone who enjoys life.

6. Be honest.  Although you are older and think that a photo might not attract any dates, the truth is that if you use a fake photo, the truth will come out eventually when you meet the man.  Use a photo of yourself but use one that is flattering.  You will also want to use one that is reasonably recent, there is no point putting a photo of yourself when you were 20.  When you write a description about yourself be honest there too.  You can write flattering points as long as they are honest.  Remember, the truth comes out eventually.

The most important point when you get back into the dating scene is to enjoy yourself.  You only live once so you might as well enjoy it.  If someone doesn't like your sense of humour or doesn't like your photo, then they aren't worth dating anyway.  Mr. Right will come along and he will like you for who you really are, so just go out and have some fun.

All About International Online Dating

If you are looking for something different and would perhaps like to meet someone from another country then international online dating might be just what you are looking for.  There are many love stories that have began with an online dating service and there is no reason why you can't have a fairy tale romance.  You do need to be careful with online dating services though as although many couples are successful at finding love, online dating can turn into a nightmare if you're not careful.

You always need to use common sense when doing anything online.  When you are talking to someone online you really know nothing about them and as such they can misrepresent themselves.  There are many con men online and if you aren't careful you may fall victim to one of them.

Even if someone shows you a photo it doesn't necessarily mean that photo is really of them.  They could have found that picture on the back of a picture frame that they bought or perhaps just 'borrowed' it from elsewhere online.

Even if a picture is a legitimate picture, you should never judge someone solely on looks.  If you meet someone that is beautiful, that doesn't mean that they are a nice person.  You should always be a little wary and never rule out other woman based on the looks of just one. 

Long distance dating can be quite difficult too so if you do meet someone through an international online dating service you might need to start doing some planning.  Web cams are great for meeting people online and because you can see and talk to a person live you know what the person looks like and that it is legitimately that person.  Being able to see each other is also more exciting than just hearing each other over the telephone.  Even though you live at opposite sides of the world, you can still have a romantic dinner by using a web cam.  You can both set up your home with some candles, soft music and a nice dinner, you can even cook the same meal, and then have dinner together via the web cam.

When you meet someone online you want to take the time to really get to know them.  You can do this by chatting online and ask her questions about herself.  As about her career, her family, her dreams for the future and even her fears.  Asking questions about all these things will help you to get to know her and it will also show her that you care about who she is.

Regardless of whether your date lives on the other side of the ocean, a date is still a date.  You should always try to impress her and keep her happy.  As well as asking her questions, you should also allow her to ask you questions and get to know you better.  Never lie about who you are as if you do eventually meet this person she will find out the truth.  Be honest from the start and your long distance relationship will stand a much better chance.

If you decide that you would like to meet in person it is a good idea for you to arrange to fly over and visit her.  If she wants to come and visit you, that is fine, unless she wants you to send her money for the trip.  Women meeting men online and asking for money to be spent for a flight over to visit is quite a common scam on the internet.

It isn't so bad to buy her a ticket, but never send her the money for a ticket as it's not likely you will ever see that money again.  When visiting someone overseas you will also want to be clear on the sleeping arrangements as you will need somewhere to stay.  You need to take things slow and not rush her into anything that she isn't ready for and if she isn't comfortable getting intimate just yet then you might even want to stay in a hotel.

International online dating can be a great way to meet someone new and possibly even your soul mate.  As long as you use your head and use common sense, then it really can be a great experience.

3 Tips For How To Deal With Jealousy

Jealousy in a relationship can cause many problems but some people just have no idea how to deal with jealousy.  Some people can become irrationally jealous of their partner to the extent that they don't want to let them out of their site.  They don't like their partner to even talk to or look at another woman or man or they become extremely jealous.  The partner on the receiving end of this jealousy may become tired of it, although flattering at first; it can cause a relationship to fall apart.

Here are three tips to help you learn how to deal with jealousy before it tears your relationship apart.

First you have to learn not to let the jealousy get to you.  I know this is much easier said than done but there are ways to work on this so it becomes easier.  If you don't trust your partner then jealousy is quite a normal response but you need to ask yourself why you don't trust him. 

Has he cheated on you before?  Do you know for a fact that he has cheated or do you just suspect it?  Has he given you reason to suspect he is cheating?  You need to find out whether you have a valid reason for not trusting him.

If you have no real reason for not trusting him then ask yourself why it is that you don't trust him.  Do you have a fear of him cheating?  Have you had someone cheat on your before so you distrust men in general?  If he has never done anything to lose your trust then you need to work through why you don't trust him and learn to trust him.

If you have a valid reason not to trust him, perhaps he has cheated on you before, then you need to think about whether you should still be with him.  If you have forgiven him for cheating and agreed to take him back then it can be difficult to regain that trust, but if you want the relationship to work then you need to work at rebuilding trust.

If you have been trying for a long time to rebuild the trust but just can't get past his cheating then perhaps this relationship has run its course and you should move on.

Whether you trust your partner or not, if he flirts with other people do you think he is going to cheat?  If not then why are you jealous?

Jealousy is really only a response to a threat but if that threat becomes real and your partner flirts with someone and then cheats on you with that person, then the threat goes beyond jealousy and into betrayal.

The second way to help you deal with jealousy is to learn for your partner to flirt all they want and not let it get to you.  Try to view flirting as a natural response that people have toward other people that they find attractive.  Even when your partner flirts with other women he still chooses to be with you so you actually have no reason to be jealous of flirting knowing that you are the person he chooses.

The third way to deal with jealousy is to use it to your advantage in a relationship.  If you do this though you do need to be careful that it isn't taken too far.  Showing a little possessiveness is actually enjoyable for some people and can add a spark to a relationship.

By dealing with jealousy this way it doesn't make you angry but instead makes both of you happy.  If jealousy is a real problem though then you do need to take steps to learn how to deal with jealousy more effectively.

The Pursuit of Happiness

The pursuit of happiness is one of the primary goals of all humans. This, along with life and liberty, was declared as an essential right in the US declaration of independence. Every religion and philosophy has offered its pathway to happiness. Happiness is a state of mind and there are many paths to it. There are common prerequisites to sustained happiness as well as common causes of unhappiness. These usually transcend all classifications of gender, age or race. There are other factors which are very individual specific.

What is Happiness

Happiness is a state of the mind. The dictionary definition is ‘feelings of joy and pleasure mingled together”. A feeling of happiness is more than just an experience of joy or pleasure. It is a state of mind where the individual feels that “life is good”.


Becoming Happier

Happiness is a state of mind which can be induced by many means – some result in short term happiness while others result in long lasting happiness. One way of inducing long lasting happiness and bliss is meditation. For a busy person, a more practical way to becoming happier is to make steady progress towards meaningful goals. Even though this seems simple, it really is a very powerful technique to attain a state of long lasting happiness. The goals may vary from individual to individual, but for everyone happiness comes from merely making steady progress towards goals that are meaningful to them. The key is that goals have to be meaningful to you. Progress towards goals set by some one else will not bring happiness (unless you too desire the same goals).

There should be a balance in your goals to ensure that the prerequisites of happiness are fulfilled. These prerequisites include good health, sufficient income to meet basic needs, affection, some productive work or activity, defined and achievable goals and good attitude. All the money in the world will not make you happy if you ignore your health or have bad relationships. Also you must try to remove the causes of unhappiness from your life. These causes are - lack of any of the prerequisites for happiness, failure to achieve goals, envy, relationship problems, loneliness and fear of the opinion of others. 

Studies have shown that a number of factors contribute to sustained happiness. Some of these are
•    Good self esteem
•    Feeling of control over one’s life
•    Supportive and warm relationships (marriage/friendship )
•    Satisfying work
•    Enjoyable leisure activities
•    Good attitude
•    Good Health
•    Moderation in everything
•    Impersonal interests

Thus a very effective process of becoming happier is to set goals for improvement in each one of these areas, start working towards these goals and then periodically reviewing the progress towards the goals.

So the first step is to set goals for yourself in the major aspects of your life. These goals have to be meaningful to you and they have to be specific and time bound. If the goals are not meaningful to you, you will derive little happiness from achieving them. Also if they are not specific and time bound, you will not be able to measure your progress towards these goals and thus will not experience the increased happiness which comes from making steady progress towards your goals. Goals need to be set for the major aspects of your life which contribute to happiness – Health, Financial, Relationships, Career, Attitude, Self Actualization etc.

Then you must assess where you currently are in relation to your goals. Say if your financial goal is to have savings of twenty thousand dollars in five years, you need to assess your net worth today and also your current income and expenses to know how much you are currently saving.

Next you must set up a time bound action plan to achieve your goals. For your financial goals this means determining the extra amount you need to save each month, either by earning more or spending less or both. Then you need to have a plan for earning more and for reducing your expenses. This plan needs to be specific with amounts and timing e.g. you will reduce expenses by $50 a month by eating out less often and you will increase income by $300 a month by taking on a part time job.

Then start implementing your plan and monitor the progress. As you see yourself meeting your periodic targets, you will find your happiness increasing. Many of us have experienced the happiness which comes from steadily losing one pound per week in a weight loss program. Imagine having the same effect in all aspects of your life. The important thing in this is to make steady progress towards your goals. Happiness will grow as you see yourself making progress. Once you achieve your initial goals, you need to set new goals – maybe in different areas of your life e.g. if you have achieved your fitness and financial goals, aim for making a difference to the world around you. (Making a difference is a source of deep and long lasting happiness). Being without a goal after achieving your earlier ones will reduce your happiness. Say you suddenly inherit some money and achieve your financial goals, you will be happy for some time, but the effects will soon wear off as your mind adjusts to the new level of affluence. To sustain happiness you will have to set new goals for yourself, maybe in different areas of your life.

The Seven Day Life-Changing Happiness Challenge!

You are about to discover a simple technique for creating massive changes in your quality of life.

Do you want to be happier? This technique can help.

Do you want more time to spend with your family or friends, or even just time to relax by yourself? Then this seven day challenge is perfect for you.

And best of all, it’s really easy to do.

What is it?

For the next seven days, turn off the news!

Do not watch any news on the television.

Do not listen to any news on the radio.

Do not read the newspaper.

And do not have a news headline website as your browser’s home page.

Seven days! No news!

Can you do it?

Reducing exposure to the negativity of the news has produced massive changes in my life. It can and will do the same for you. However, please don’t take my word for it. Try it for just seven days and see for yourself.

The time will pass very quickly, so what have you got to lose? Worst case, you’ll miss a bit of news. Best case, you’ll be happier and more excited about your life. So, let’s give it a go!

Why does this work? Simply because one of the fundamental laws of nature is that our thoughts produce our reality. If we focus our attention on the negatives in life, we will give power to the negativity, and it will grow.

If we remove that negativity from our lives and focus on the positives, we will tend to create more positives.

The news is extremely negative. And the fact is that exposing yourself to most of this negativity adds NO value at all to your life.

Simply put, turning off the news shields you from the onslaught of negativity and leaves you with time to fill your life with positives.

So what you do with the extra time you now have available?

No, do not just watch other TV!

You want to replace this time with positive experiences which add value to your life.

Spend some time alone considering your life. Find out who you are. Find your life’s purpose, or your higher calling. Set some major goals for your future. Where would you like to go? Who would you like to go there with? What would you like to do for a living, if there were no limitations?

Spend some time with the people who are important in your life- your family and friends.

Consider getting back to nature. Take some time out for a relaxing walk in a park. Or sit at the beach and watch the waves. Relax!

This is not just hiding from reality, and living in a fantasy land. I don’t expect you to forever hide from what’s going on in the world, especially in your local community. Just cut out all exposure to the negativity for seven days and then consider whether you feel happier and more excited about life.

Once you’re aware of this alternative, happier way of living, you can then find a balance between being aware of current affairs, and your need to maintain separation from those issues.

There is absolutely nothing to be gained by worrying about what’s going on elsewhere, especially when it’s outside of your sphere of influence. When you understand that, you can then choose what you listen to or watch on TV. You will regain control.

If there is something that you need to know, trust me, someone will tell you anyway.

And you will have more time available to experience a positive and friendly world.

If you like the improvement this brings to your quality of life, then perhaps you could consider this is just a start. Why not also eliminate other TV which adds no value to your life.

Seven days, no news! The results will be life-changing.

It’s easy to do. However it’s also easy to not-do. Which will you choose?

Even if there’s only the smallest chance of this working, wouldn’t it be worth trying?

I know you can do it. Go for it!

The Secret of Happiness

What does happiness mean to you?  There’s a lot of searching going on these days for the elusive emotion of “being happy” --where do you find it, how do you create it, even what it actually is. 

But I’d like to share a little secret with you -- happiness is not just for a lucky few who were born with it. 

You see, happiness is not something you can reach out and touch or put in the refrigerator and take a sip when you need it.  Happiness is not found on a beach in Hawaii (really!) or in a perfect body.  It’s not even in that perfect relationship that Tom Cruise tries to sell us in the movies. 

Yet from the images bombarding you every day, it’s easy to make the mistake that happiness will arrive on your doorstep when you have the latest car, the best clothes, a fancy home, isn’t it?  It’s easy to get caught in the trap of thinking that if you could just find the right person, they’d arrive with a box of happiness attached to his/her hip.  But all this does is convince you that happiness is something to be found outside of yourself. 

And that’s where you get off track.  Because the secret is that happiness is simply a by-product of creating and living a life that works, a life that you enjoy -- whatever that is.  Happiness comes from doing what you what, where you want to do it, who whom you want to do it with. 

And yes, I can hear all of you -- “But I can’t get the job I want because I’d have to go to school for 8 years, and I have to live here because I can’t afford to move, and what do you mean “who I want to do it with” because I want to hang out with Bill Gates or Oprah Winfrey or Bill and Hillary Clinton”. 

And thank you all for making my point for me.

You see, happiness starts by believing you have control over your life; and grows by making choices that will give you a sense of well being, satisfaction.  Happiness comes from deciding that you *will* go to school for 8 years if that’s what it takes.  That you *will* organize your life until you can afford to move.  And that YOU decide who to hug, how much to smile, what music you listen to, and who you hang out with, even if it’s not Bill and Hillary. 

Happiness is about making the best choices you can about who you spend your time with, how you making your living, how much you learn, what you put into your body.  Because when you feel good about the space you’re in, when you’re with people you admire and respect and they admire and respect you, when you’re working on a project that’s meaningful to you -- happiness will shine right through.

And that’s no secret.

Decide today to stop chasing happiness, and instead choose three things that you love to do, that contribute to your feeling of well-being and satisfaction.  Schedule time for them, every day if possible, every week at least.  It doesn’t have to be for a long time, just 10 minutes a day will help you create the happiness that you’re looking for.  Guaranteed. 

And that’s no secret either.

6 Tips To Keep Your Fears From Holding YOU Back - to Make Email Work For You In 10 Minutes

Emails have helped save lots of time and money for many people. However, there are certain downsides to using email as a means of communication. Many people check their emails many times during the day, therefore hampering their productivity. They’ve become addicted to emails so much that they spend hours reading and replying, even to junk mails! And speaking of junk mails, sorting out your emails and separating the junk from the not can be a very time - consuming activity.

Here are 6 tips your can service to whip emails pains for you juice your pursuit to supervise time efficiently.

1. Check your emails a acute of twice a day.
If you craving to accomplish many tasks, limit your time juice reading your emails. Suitable times would be maiden part connections the morning ( to share stew of urgent matters ) and a few almanac before you boundary your stint ( to grab up ditch last - minute concerns ).

2. Set up templates or a“Frequently Asked Questions” page.
The alike questions can be much asked by discrepant people - things jibing how to operate a certain product, how to download a resource, and so disperse.Palpable is barefaced that typing the alike answers to the alike questions over and over and is strikingly time - consuming. Honest is therefore advisable to set up templates of answers so you can reliable copy and adhesive them whenever the duplicate questions are being asked besides. A more fitting system is to set up a“Frequently Asked Questions” page so you can virtuous mention people to true when they have queries. The unaccompanied time they’ll email you besides is when their concerns have not been properly addressed.

3. Reply briefly.
Answer your emails remarkably and to the point. Do not overcomplicate the explanation. Never reply to spam messages or to junk mails.

4. Catching the phone.
Several comic book spent string replying to emails can be shortened surpassingly by unbiased calling the person. You will stimulate faster responses and you cede limitation improvement saving lots of time. And of safari, the marked transform is first.

5. Destroy spam.
Spam messages are very stereotyped away. Not apart can they squander a accumulation of your time, but they can be very galling as sane. To deter spam, produce not spread your email label not unlike wildfire. Original would be advisable to have a private email superscription that particular a few trusted people notice. If you can, form your email superscription besides intricate. For example, account mark_jones27543@yahoo. com instead of mark_jones@yahoo. com. If you are inserting your email address drag websites and messages, you may go after @ lie low " AT. " For instance, draft down mark_jonesAtyahoo. com instead of mark_jones@yahoo. com.

6. Touch your email across.
Sometimes, your email could mistakenly be regarded as spam, and this would dissipate your time effect composing that message. To dissuade double incident, be careful protect your choice of words. Avoid words or phrases that trigger the spam filters. Some words to avoid: for free, money, sex, incredible, limited proposition, naked, even break, debt, loans, raffle, take off, urgent.

6 Steps To Releasing Anger And Feeling Good Again

Anger is a lethal force that undermines our lives in all kinds of ways. Sometimes it erupts openly and other times it camouflages itself and covertly undermines your life. Some experience anger as strength and power. They feel it is necessary in order to maintain control. Others assume they have the right to express anger. These are some of the lies anger tells us.

In fact, when we are angry we are out of control and our ability to respond wisely is diminished. It’s time to look at anger in a new way and understand what it really is. Then we can take new steps that help us of anger, make us feel better, and see clearly what to do.

Step 1: Realize that anger is a choice you make

Anger is not a form of power, strength, or control. It is a toxin, which sometimes provides a temporary high. After this high subsides,the individual is left weaker and more uncertain than before. Not only that, the negative consequences of our outburst have to be handled. Basically
anger narrows our focus, creates confusion and limits our ability to find constructive solutions.

When anger arises, stop, breathe deeply, and immediately look at the larger perspective. Put the incident in context. For a moment, allow the other person to be “right”. Tell yourself you have plenty of time to be right later. Your main goal is to have the anger subside so you can be in control.

Step 2: Pinpoint the 24 forms of anger.

Anger camouflages itself and manifests in many ways. Unrecognized anger turns into all kinds of unwanted behavior that become impossible to stop. We have to become aware that this behavior is just another form of anger and pull it out at the root.

Some of the 24 forms of anger are: depression, hypocrisy, self-sabotage, low self-esteem, burnout, passive aggressive behavior, compulsions, perfectionism, gossiping, lying, and various addictions. When you realize that these are being fuelled by anger, you can take appropriate steps to handle them.

Step 3: Give Up Being A Martyr – Stop Giving and Taking Guilt

Most martyrs do not think of themselves as martyrs. They may describe themselves as long-suffering, giving much more than they get. There’s a huge difference between giving and manipulation. Martyrs manipulate with guilt.

But guilt is a lethal toxin, fuelled by anger. When you make someone feel guilty, you are harming them. When people feel guilty they find some way to punish themselves and others. Give up giving guilt and also give up taking it. Recognize this as a form of anger, which has no constructive outcome.

Step 4: Stop Casting Blame

Blaming others (and ourselves) is an expression of hurt, disappointment and anger and never leads to a constructive solution. Stop casting blame. By blaming others you are disempowering yourself. By taking responsibility you are taking back control. Stop a moment and see the situation through your opponent’s eyes. When you do this blame dissolves on the spot.

The best defense against being hurt is to feel good about yourself and the way a person responds to you says more about them, than about you. As you stop casting blame you will be letting go of all kinds of resentments. Resentment inevitably affects our well-being and always bounces back on us. Look for and find what is positive in each individual. Focus on that.

Step 5 - Create Realistic Expectations

There is nothing that makes us more angry and hurt than expectations we’ve been holding onto that have not been met. It is important that you become aware of your expectations. Are they realistic? Does the other person hold similar expectations in your relationship?

Let go of unrealistic fantasies. Once this is done, much opportunity for anger diminishes on the spot.

Step 6 – Develop A Grateful Mind

See what different people in your lives are truly giving to you. We often take many things for granted and are even unaware of all that we are receiving day by day.

Take time to write down each day what you are receiving. Be grateful for that. Make a point of giving thanks. The more we thank others, the happier we become.

Also, take time to write down all that you have given others that day. It may be a surprise. We often think we are giving so much and receiving so little. This is a great cause of anger and feelings of deprivation. However, when we take time daily to look carefully, we are often surprised and how much we have received and how little given in return. As we see how much we receive daily, anger naturally subsides and we learn to take pleasure both in what we give and receive.

7 Leading Causes Of Stress

In 1967, Thomas H. Holmes and Richard H. Rahe, from the University of Washington, did a study on the connection between significant life events and illness. As part of that study, they compiled a chart of the major causes of stress. That chart, which contained 43 causes of stress in 1967, was updated to 55 causes in 2006. Apparently, society is finding more causes to feel stressed.

If you knew the leading causes of stress in your life, would you take action to eradicate them? Can you eradicate stress – or is it an inoperable condition that will be with you all of your life, possibly causing your eventual death?
   
Which Is Your Leading Cause of Stress?

1. Finances

Most studies agree that finances are a leading cause of stress. In an online poll conducted in 2005 by LifeCare, Inc., 23 percent of respondents named finances as the leading cause of stress in their lives. Financial stress has led the list in many modern polls.

Some who name finances as the leading cause of stress cite major purchases they have to make, such as a home or car. Others are stressed by a loss of income, or mounting credit card debt. For some, financial stress will eventuate in bankruptcy. While college students stress over paying for an education, Baby Boomers and older senior citizens find that retirement income can be a major cause of stress.

2. Work

Closely tied to finances as a cause of stress is work. Our jobs or careers seem to cause constant stress. In the LifeCare poll, 21 percent of those responding listed this as the leading cause of stress in life.

How is the workplace a cause of stress? We worry about getting and keeping adequate employment. We worry about new types of work or new responsibilities. We struggle to climb a career ladder, overwhelmed by the demands. Work conditions may change, or we may have interpersonal trouble at work. Students, especially teenagers and college age students, cite school work as a cause of stress. Sometimes, work stress is brought on by others. Sometimes, we bring it on ourselves.

3. Family

Family, wonderful though each member may be, is also a leading cause of stress. Arguments erupt with a spouse or other family member. Parents divorce. Children marry. The ebb and flow of family life is filled with stress. A child moves out – an aging parent moves in.

Family health is also a leading cause of stress. A sick family member, a serious injury, pregnancy, miscarriage, or abortion all cause stress. Family changes of other kinds bring stress, too. Adoption, relocation, and job changes for just one family member can cause stress for all.
   
4. Personal Concerns

Personal concerns that are only indirectly created by others are another top cause of stress. Lack of control tops the list of personal concerns. Every human has a deep-seated desire for control over his or her own life. When control is weak or missing in a given area, we experience stress. To many people, a lack of control over their own time is a leading cause of stress. We want to determine when we do tasks around the home, or at work. Holding a job, participating in the children’s carpool to school, driving family to soccer practices, shopping, and scout meetings while trying to keep the household running can create major stress. You would like to control your time, rather than let others’ demands control it, but that is not always possible.

We may be involved in legal proceedings that cause stress. We may be wrestling with a bad habit. We may be going through changes. Personal change of any kind can be a cause of stress.

5. Personal Health and Safety

Most people find that personal health is a leading cause of stress. For some, the stress is linked to obesity, and a desire to lose weight. For others, the stress is a personal bas habit that affects health and must be changed. For example, smoking, abuse of alcohol or other drugs. Illness or injury, whether less or more serious, can be a leading cause of stress for many people. Incontinence can be an ongoing concern. Personal health is more or less stressful according to the degree of seriousness and our personal outlook on health.

Personal safety is also a leading cause of stress. Women, more than men, tend to stress about their own and others’ safety. Adults tend to stress more than young people, who may act invincible. Crime is a factor, as is

6. Personal Relationships

Whether it is a friendship, dating, separation, marriage, divorce, or re-marriage, a relationship can be a leading cause of stress for many. We all want love, and that is potentially available in relationships, but getting from A to B can be very stressful. Some resort to online relationships that are easier to handle. Others withdraw and become recluses. Either way, the demands on time, finances, and emotions can cause ongoing stress.

7. Death

Probably the most wrenching cause of stress is the death of a loved one or close friend. Even the death of a pet can be stressful. Children are always a source of stress for parents, but when a child dies, the stress is overwhelming. The same is true when a lifetime spouse passes on.

Win or Lose

Causes of stress change as we age. The stressed child who threw tantrums becomes a young student, stressed by the school bully. The young student becomes a teenager, stressed by acne, hormones, and dating. The teenager becomes a young adult trying to handle the stresses of leaving home, adjusting to college life, and managing finances. Life progresses to first jobs, marriage, children, and so on. Even if you move to a secluded cabin in the woods, stress will follow you.

Gaining knowledge of the leading causes of stress is important. Using that knowledge to win over unhealthy stress is vital.

6 Key Steps To Achieve Your Goals

It’s coming to the end of 2006 and the new year is coming. During the new year, many people will set their goals such as faster job promotion, a salary increase, spend more time with your family etc. While it’s good to set your goals for the new year, most people never actually achieve their goals. Why?

The simple explanation for that is 2 fold. One, most people do not set clear goals and have a very vague idea of what their goals is. The second reason is most people do not take steps to achieve the goals they have set.

In a way, the second reason is dependent on your goals. If you only have a vague idea of what your goal is, then it becomes almost impossible to take steps to achieve your goals.

The following 6 key steps will help you achieve better results with your goals:

1. Set a specific goal.

Setting a goal that is specific allows you to have a clearer picture of what you want to achieve. For example instead of setting a goal of I want to be rich in 2007, set a goal that you want to earn $100,000 in 2007. I find numbers and figures when setting your goals makes it more achievable and more easily attainable.

2. Set a timeframe for your goal.

Every goal you set must have a timeline. The reason for that is so that it can be easy to assess whether you have achieved your goal and if not, the reasons why and how far off to your goals are.

Setting a timeframe also motivates you to meet the deadline and to take necessary action to meet that dateline. If you do not set a time frame to your goals, you probably end up chasing that dream for the rest of your life.

3. Set A Realistic Goal.

Your goal should be realistic and achievable in a timeframe that you set. Setting a realistic goal makes it more achievable and real rather than a fantasy. It’s not a bad thing to have high goals but you may need to tweak your goals as you go along if you find that it is not realistic.

4. Chart Your Progress

It is important you establish short term goals or what I called landmark goals that determine your exact position on the goal you are setting. For example, if you aiming to earn $100,000 a year. Set a short term goal of $30,000 in march, $60,000 in june and then see if you met your short term goals.

Doing this allows you to determine whether you are exceeeding or lacking behind in your goals. Then you can take extra steps to catch up.

5. Be prepared For Obstacles

Many a times, you will be faced with obstacles along the way to your goal. It’s perfectly natural and do not get discouraged or frustrated. One of the greatest achievements you can accomplished is to overcome these obstacles.

Even if you did not achieve your goals, take it as a challenge for your next goal. The point is never give up.

6. Give A Reason For Your Goals

Sometimes, setting a goal by itself is not sufficient to motivate you. Deep down inside each of us, we have a personal reason for setting that goal. For example, setting a goal of earning $100,000 a year. The reason could be so that the family can live in comfort and the children can have the toys they always wanted but couldn’t have.

If you can follow these simple 6 key steps, they can give you the drive to succeed in your goals and in life as well. Goal Setting may be cliché but if you follow and take steps to achieve it, you will achieve the goals in life you wanted.

5 Attributes Of Successful People

Disciplined, Uncompromising, Tough, Courageous and Humourous (D.U.T.C.H). The 5 main attributes that are to be found in most successful people. This has resulted from a careful study of the main personality traits to be found in the worlds most successful people from politicians, sportsmen and women and business people.

Disciplined

Successful people are well organised and self disciplined. Often they have been brought up in a structured disciplined environment. From being led they know how to lead. They are respectful of others and know how to command respect from others. They understand the importance of loyalty and demand loyalty from others.

Uncompromising

Successful people do not accept half measures. They do not tolerate incompetence. They speak out against injustice. They stand up to unnecessary bureaucracy and demand fairness and correctness in the world around them. They will 'fight their corner' in every situation.

Tough

Successful people are tough. They resist personal attack without emotional reactions. They possess a 'thick skin'. They are able to accept critisism without being offended.

Courageous

Successful people have the courage of their beliefs and convictions. They are able to face up to adversity. They succeed often against huge odds because they have the courage and the vision to plough through all the barriers and obstacles placed in their way.

Humourous

Successful people will possess a sense of humour. They will not become stressed and will often overcome difficult situations by their wit and well placed humour.


Be sure to remember D.U.T.C.H to remind you of the 5 attributes of successful people. This is by no means an exhaustive list of attributes possessed by successful people but by concentrating on these 5 will give you a good head start in your self help process and you will find that all other attributes necessary to make you successful will fall into place naturally.

Simple Techniques To Initiate Stress And Anxiety Relief At Work

Ricky Gervais and the BBC's stunningly successful sit-com "The Office" has been a huge hit around the world spawning countless spin off's and remakes.

The fact is that the comic situation transfers across cultural barriers. The exact idioms of the language may alter but essentially we see people in the show that we relate to in our own workplace - sometimes we even see ourselves.

The people are not the only aspect of the show tat transfers, so do the situations the characters find themselves in. Do these two quotes from The Office strike a chord?

Jim Halpert: Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

Michael Scott: This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.

These lines may be funny yet they point to something basic and fundamental pertaining to the work place: stress and more specifically work related stress.

The UK Health and Safety at Work Executive (HSE); the UK government's Work related health and safety body define work related stress as: “the adverse reaction a person has to excessive pressure or other types of demand placed upon them."

A certain degree of stress is healthy, t keeps us on our toes and drives us to achieve. In essence stress will cause us to lead more fulfilling lives. The difficulty is here however, is how do we create a healthy balance of stress because too much stress and anxiety is certainly harmful to your health and well-being? What techniques can we apply to encourage stress and anxiety relief in our lives? Stay with me for a short while and we'll look at 10 simple ideas to initiate stress and anxiety relief at work.

Tune Into Your Body

A simple idea it may be, but one that is the key to unlocking the box to the other stress and anxiety relief techniques that we shall examine. Be aware of the degree of stress that you're experiencing at any one moment in time. First of all you need to know when your stress levels are rising.

Measure your stress level on a scale of 1-10. While you're at home find a time when you are alone and when you can lie down with your eyes closed. Put on your favourite music for relaxing or just sit in silence, whatever works best for you. Just let your mind wander and do not seek to hold your thoughts, no matter how fleeting. After 10 minutes or so you should be aware of level zero stress.

this is the gauge for measuring all other stress levels. During the day check into the scale and not the level of tension that you're feeling: are your shoulders hunched and tense; how does your gut feel, is it tight and churning; is your jaw clenched?

Take time to move

Movement is a great way to reduce stress levels. Just by getting out of your seat and moving around you will find that you will feel a measure of stress and anxiety relief. A brisk walk during your lunch break and a short jogging session at the end of the day will reduce tension. Generally aim to keep fit anyway.

Take time for deep breathing

Simply breaths deeply, inhaling through the nostrils, after holding the breath for a count of three exhale slowly through the mouth.

Take time to use your minds power of imagery

This is another great way to bring stress and anxiety relief into the workplace. Just take a moment or two to imagine that yo are somewhere else. Hear the sound of the sea, create the vivid colours of the sky in your mind, soar of to your favourite place and do not wait for that distant vacation; go there today. The more vivid the images the better this stress and anxiety relief technique will work.

Take time to challenge your irrational thoughts

Be aware of you inner voice and the messages that it is sending to you. Often these thoughts are based on previous mind conditioning and the thoughts will be harmful and create unnecessary levels of stress. For example if you are under pressure to get something done by a particular time you may find yourself thinking" I must get this done or else I'm fired and I'll need to find another job!" This is probably not the case and if it is then you're probably better looking for another job anyway.

Take time to plan work into smaller manageable tasks

A large taks can be overwhelming and may need to be broken down into simpler easier to complete jobs. We meet more step by step targets this way and feel agreater sense of achievment after each step is finished. Give yourselfa reward for completing the smaller taks and do not wait for the final task before you give yourself a pat on the back.

Take time to reduce cafine intake

Have you ever seen a two-year old completely wired after chomping through a few cookies or drinking cola? Well that’s exactly what happens to all of us when we take in too much sugar or caffeine. However, unlike the nipper at home we can’t very well run around the office making airplane noises, we just carry the excess stress.

Take time to have a play break

Some professionals keep “squish” balls, or stress balls, in their work space a simple squeeze is all that is needed for rapid relief of stress and anxiety. Other people take a few minutes to play a game . They’re quick (less than five minutes), easy to play, and many don’t require a download.

Take time to Blow Off Steam - but fairly

don't think that you can't vent a little, but just remember words spoken in anger can haunt you for a long time if they’re read or overheard by the wrong person. Don’t put anything in email you don’t want the whole office to see.

take time to understand that a little stress is worthwhile

Finally, remember that it’s natural to feel stress when you leave your comfort zone. Some stress must be endured as you expand your horizons, learn new tasks and earn new responsibilities. That kind of stress may not be much fun, but in the long run, it’s worth it!

3 Quick and Easy Steps to Time Management Mastery

Time management is one of the least-mastered and most-desired skills in out fast-paced modern world.  Time management truly is critical to becoming successful, doing everything you want to, and achieving ultimate success.

What do you need to do to DOUBLE your time management ability?

Do these things NOW:

1)    Eliminate time wasters in your life.  Time wasters are things that interrupt you and you spend time doing, but you wouldn’t have chosen to do them given the choice.  Eliminating these time wasters is critical for time management:

•    Email---If you are spending more than 30 minutes per day on email (unless that is your business) you are spending too much!

•    Telephone---If you answer the phone live more than 5 times per day during your productive time (work, work at home, etc.) you are sacrificing time management and efficiency.  When you answer the phone, you interrupt your current productive flow and this kills your productivity.

•    Television---This must be limited for you to achieve ultimate control over your time.  My recommendation is 30 minutes per day, especially if you are not getting all the things done you need or want to.

2)    Make a list of what is genuinely important in your life and just start doing the    things on your list.  One of the keys to time management is prioritization---you absolutely must know what you want to accomplish and then go do it.  Today’s world has too many distractions and when you allow those distractions to become priority, you sacrifice time management.  Follow these steps:

•    Make of list of what you want to accomplish

•    Set time frames for accomplishing each item

•    Organize each item in order of importance

•    Create a game plan for achieving each of your goals in its respective time frame

3)    Begin to focus on time management throughout the course of the day.  Your consistent focus must be on managing your time.  Once you have determined your goals and your priorities, start focusing on simply getting those things done.  If something isn’t on your goals list for this week—don’t do it until all your goals are done.  When you prioritize every interruption that occurs and put your goals last, you will not accomplish your goals.  Instead, you will be a slave (as you probably are now) to interruptions and probably feel like you never accomplish enough.

An Ultimate Lifestyle Secret - The Power Of Self Confidence

Self confidence is not something that holds me back, in fact I really appreciate the level of confidence I enjoy and feel that I can make the choices and decisions I want without a feeling of concern or over riding fear. That is not to say that I am always successful, but I realize that even by trying I am moving closer to a higher level of confidence.

I did not always have a high level of self confidence. When I was younger, I had a lot of self confidence in my ability to do well in football and track, but my confidence in my ability to deal with life’s challenges was quite low. This was probably caused by a fear of not measuring up to my parent’s expectations and a little bit of social shyness. However, as I got older, I realized that my parents only wanted me to be healthy and to try my best at everything I did. As a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, I had a lot of social interaction with people from all walks of life and I lost most of my shyness. My job also required that I respond to all different kinds of situations. The more success I had, the more my self confidence rose.

Self confidence or confidence in yourself means that you know that you can do whatever task you are faced with. This does not mean that you have to do every task by yourself. It means that the ones you know you can do by yourself you do and the ones where you need help you know how to find it. Confidence is a learned trait, not something you are born with. It is the force which pushes you forward and allows you to find the right path amidst the confusion and chaos of life. Confidence is the necessity you must have to assist you in realizing your dreams and goals.

We all have the power of self confidence within us. Sadly many leave it unused for long periods of time while others use it sparingly like a miser. Forget about past worries and build the power of self confidence within you. Since you can’t change the mistakes of the past, don’t let them spoil the present or dim the future.

The first thing that you must practice is “don't hate yourself” before deciding to practice self confidence. It is very difficult to become self confident if you do not like yourself. Remember, just like everyone else, you were born into this world for a specific reason. Think about the things that you are good at doing. Work at becoming better at them. Don’t worry about the things that you are not very good at. As a very successful person I was talking to recently said, “Why spend your limited time here on earth working on things you are not good at. Instead perfect the things you are good at and hire someone to do the things you are not good at.”

Mediocrity and poor performance are often due to low self confidence but it is not something you have to live with. You can build your self confidence by challenging yourself to take action and do something. Even though you feel as if you lack confidence, it doesn't mean other people can tell. Building good self confidence is a wonderful thing, and it's much easier than you'd imagine. One of the easiest ways of building self confidence is to “take baby steps.” What I mean by this is to set small goals or projects that you have to complete. Each time you do one in the time you have set for yourself, you will build your self confidence. The accumulation of small “victories” will convince your subconscious mind that you can do what you set out to do. It will then convince your conscious mind that you have a lot of capabilities and your self confidence will grow. If you continue to do this over a period of months, you will find that your self confidence becomes greatly improved. With improved self confidence you can take on bigger projects and goals and as these are completed your self confidence will grow by leaps and bounds.

So what other techniques are available to anyone wishing to develop more self confidence? It should be no surprise to you when I tell you that the single most influential person on your self confidence is you, or more specifically, your mind. This probably sounds very basic but are you using your own thoughts to reenforce your self confidence and self esteem? Talk positively to yourself all the time. Become your own best friend and supporter. Encourage yourself to do more. Congratulate yourself on every small or large victory. Remember that very few people are successful the first time they try to do something. You didn’t ride a bike the first time you tried. Thomas Edison didn’t invent the light bulb on his first attempt either. It took him more than 10,000 attempts before he made the first successful light bulb and it only lasted a few minutes. The biggest thing to remember is that you are never defeated in doing anything you want to do until you quit. Donald Trump, during a recent interview, stated that he was richer than most people because he failed more times than most. However, in his case, he learned from his mistakes and tried again. Why? Because he was confident that he could do what he wanted to do if he just continued trying. You are no different from Donald Trump. Do what he did. Just keep trying until you succeed. When you do, your self confidence will soar and you will realize that you can do anything you want to as long as you continue trying.

Another technique is to watch other people. When you see someone that stands upright and moves with a sense of purpose watch to see if they give you the impression that they have a lot of confidence. If they do, duplicate the physical characteristics of these confident people and you will start to gain the confidence they display.

One thing that you must ensure that you do not do is listen to people who talk down to you or try to tell you that you cannot do something. Usually these people can’t do these things themselves, so they try to convince others that they can’t do them either. If something like this keeps happening to you, tune these people out and stop associating with them. Your inner confidence needs to be liberated from this constant barrage of negative thoughts and statements from the dream stealers around you. Your limitations are in your mind, not in your reality.

Here are some tips for everyday practice. If you want to develop and build confidence, associate with positive uplifting people. Good people around you will help you build self confidence. If you want to build up your confidence, do something new every day. Each of these small acts will add to your confidence and also make your life more enjoyable. The most sacred thing in life is self confidence because it is the secret of all miracles. When you have confidence in yourself, you arouse everything that is stronger, greater and superior in you. In consequence, the more confidence you have in yourself, the more you will attain and accomplish. A person who knows the power of self confidence walks a path of inner growth and achievement. With self confidence a person of mediocre ability can achieve more in life than those with exceptional talents and little self confidence.

Supreme self confidence is a birth right for every person so isn’t it about time you claimed yours?

10 Tips to Stop Smoking for Good

With so many tips and suggestions on how to stop smoking it is really easy to see why so many people really do not quit.  The vast majority of people are completely confused by the entire process!  What of the conflicting messages passed around?  The fact is that with so much information passed around that is confusing to people it is often much easier to just continue smoking and hoping for a simple solution.  Actually taking the necessary steps to really quit smoking is not easy.  It means coming to terms with the fact that stopping smoking really is best for you, as well as your health.

Most people are readily aware that stopping smoking can improve their health, but learning how to really conquer the urges to smoke is not easy.  With so many temptations circulating around, as well as the stresses of daily life it is easy to see why jumping into a pack of cigarettes seems like a good idea. 

Tip #1 You need a good reason to quit.  Simply deciding to quit because the sky is blue is not a sufficient reason.  The need to quit smoking is obvious, but the desire to quit needs to come from inside in order for the process to be successful.

Tip #2  Look for small rewards that you can give yourself as you make progress.  You are not likely to just quit cold turkey with no complications.  Set up small rewards that will help you to want to make progress towards ultimately quitting.  This can be a great motivation to keep you on target.

Tip #3  Plan out your quitting strategy.  Decide how you want to try to quit and stick to it.  Set a specific amount of time for your plan.  If after a time, say six weeks you have not quit, work on a new plan.  This will allow ample time to try each method, while still giving yourself flexibility to try something else.

Tip #4  Work to overcome your struggles.  If you are smoking due to stressful things in your life, you need to deal with the stress before you can successfully quit.  Regardless of the reason why you are smoking, it needs to be dealt with in able to quit for good.

Tip #5  Set up a punishment for yourself.  For example, if you generally stop at Starbucks each day for a coffee you might consider skipping that on days when you have fallen short of your goals for smoking.  Whatever punishment you select, make sure it is something that you care about.

Tip #6  Seek out help from your friends and family.  You need support as you are trying to quit, and this will help you to ensure that you are not alone in the entire process.

Tip #7  Look for someone to quit with you.  If you are entirely on your own, you are going to be much more likely to slip back into smoking.  If someone is working with you and holding you accountable, you are more likely to struggle to succeed.  Working to quit smoking is not easy, but hard tasks are much easier to accomplish with a partner.

Tip #8  Ensure you are getting plenty of sleep.  The job of quitting smoking is quite difficult.  If you are not getting the rest you need, you are much more likely to be cranky, upset and angry with the world.  This is very counterproductive to your goal of quitting smoking for good.

Tip #9  Aim to quit for good.  This might seem a bit strange, but if you are just planning to quit for a weekend you are not going to put much effort into the process.  If you are planning to quit for good, a lot more time and effort is going to go into the process as well as your plan to quit.

Tip #10  Look for ways to take your mind off cigarettes.  If you are always thinking about cigarettes, you may find that you are much more tempted to smoke.  Reading a book, exercising, talking on the phone, surfing the internet and even cooking are all great ways to occupy your mind and keep from thinking about when your last cigarette was.

Creating Effective and Efficient Relationships

Relationships of all kinds are often perceived as very delicate things, that require extra effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also be something that can provide security and can also be long lasting despite many trials.

Building an effective and lasting relationships is a necessity for several reasons. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works.

The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management.

An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating.  An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.

People or other entities who depend on these groups or organization also suffer.

Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve  a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested, can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.

Understanding the other parties' feeling and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them

Effective and efficient relationships require parties to openly express their feelings and positions on all matters pertinent on the relationship. Assuming that the other party understands our needs and give us when we need it without asking for it is not a good practice.

Respect is the key to relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, parties should treat each other with respect.  We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to other parties by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

The opposite of respect is quick forming of judgements based on unfounded facts and prejudice.

Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.

Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party directly. Differences between parties or people are quite interesting. For example in a conversation where each party listens to the other party, you may observe that each is having two different perspectives.

Work towards a win-win solution for both parties.

This can be done when at least one party acknowledges that the relationship is important. That party would then exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other party's needs and deal with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for that party to know that they tried.

Effectively listening and no pre-judging. This is important if parties are to understand each other.

Informal discussions are conducive for parties. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.

Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings when they need to.

When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship.  Human nature is one. Some of these things found in a relationship also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party's feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.

Relationships are important to anyone, addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say 'No man is an Island'.

UNLOCK YOUR SELF IMPROVEMENT POWER

When we look at a certain object, a painting for example – we won’t be able to appreciate what’s in it, what is painted and what else goes with it  if the painting is just an inch away from our face. But if we try to take it a little further, we’ll have a clearer vision of the whole art work.

We reach a point in our life when we are ready for change and a whole bunch of information that will help us unlock our self improvement power. Until then, something can be staring us right under our nose but we don’t see it.  The only time we think of unlocking our self improvement power is when everything got worst. Take the frog principle for example –

Try placing Frog A in a pot of boiling water. What happens? He twerps! He jumps off! Why? Because he is not able to tolerate sudden change in his environment – the water’s temperature. Then try Frog B: place him in a luke warm water, then turn the gas stove on. Wait til the water reaches a certain boiling point. Frog B then thinks “Ooh… it’s a bit warm in here”.

People are like Frog B in general. Today, Anna thinks Carl hates her. Tomorrow, Patrick walks up to her and told her he hates her. Anna stays the same and doesn’t mind her what her friends says. The next day, she learned that Kim and John also abhors her. Anna doesn’t realize at once the importance and the need for self improvement until the entire community hates her.

We learn our lessons when we experience pain. We finally see the warning signs and signals when things get rough and tough. When do we realize that we need to change diets? When none of our jeans and shirts would fit us. When do we stop eating candies and chocolates? When all of our teeth has fallen off. When do we realize that we need to stop smoking? When our lungs have gone bad. When do we pray and ask for help? When we realize that we’re gonna die tomorrow.

The only time most of us ever learn about unlocking our self improvement power is when the whole world is crashing and falling apart. We think and feel this way because it is not easy to change. But change becomes more painful when we ignore it.

Change will happen, like it or hate it. At one point or another, we are all going to experience different turning points in our life – and we are all going to eventually unlock our self improvement power not because the world says so, not because our friends are nagging us, but because we realized its for our own good.


Happy people don’t just accept change, they embrace it. Now, you don’t have to feel a tremendous heat before realizing the need for self improvement.  Unlocking your self improvement power means unlocking yourself up in the cage of thought that “its just the way I am”. It is such a poor excuse for people who fear and resist change. Most of us program our minds like computers.

Jen repeatedly tells everyone that she doesn’t have the guts to be around groups of people. She heard her mom, her dad, her sister, her teacher tell the same things about her to other people. Over the years, that is what Jen believes. She believes its her story. And what happens? Every time a great crowd would troop over their house, in school, and in the community – she tends to step back, shy away and lock herself up in a room. Jen didn’t only believed in her story, she lived it.

Jen has to realize that she is not what she is in her story. Instead of having her story post around her face for everyone to remember, she has to have the spirit and show people “I am an important person and I should be treated accordingly!”

Self improvement may not be everybody’s favorite word, but if we look at things in a different point of view, we might have greater chances of enjoying the whole process instead of counting the days until we are fully improved. Three sessions in a week at the gym would result to a healthier life, reading books instead of looking at porns will shape up a more profound knowledge, going out with friends and peers will help you take a step back from work and unwind.  And just when you are enjoying the whole process of unlocking your self improvement power, you’ll realize that you’re beginning to take things light and become happy.

Happy as You Want to Be

Almost everyone have heard the hit single 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' by Bobby McFerrin. The song has a very catchy way of conveying its message of being happy to everyone. Bobby Mcferiin's simple message surely made a lot of people by telling them not to worry.

Living a happy, resilient and optimistic life is wonderful, and is also good for your health. Being happy actually protects you from the stresses of life. Stress is linked to top causes of death such as heart disease, cancer and stroke.

One of the better things ever said is - 'The only thing in life that will always remain the same is change', and in our life we have the power to make the necessary changes if we want to. Even if we find ourselves in an unbearable situation we can always find solace in the knowledge that it too would change.

Social networks or relationships are essential to happiness. People are different, accept people for who or what they are, avoid clashes, constant arguments, and let go of all kinds of resentments. If arguments seem unavoidable still try and make an effort to understand the situation and you might just get along with well with

Happiness is actually found in everyone, increasing it is a way to make a life more wonderful and also more healthy.

To be happy is relatively easy, just decide to be a happy person. Abraham Lincoln observed that most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook to be. The choice is simple really, choose to be happy.

There are several ways by which you can do this.
 
Being grateful is a great attitude.  We have so much to be thankful for. Thank the taxi driver for bringing you home safely, thank the cook for a wonderful dinner and thank the guy who cleans your windows. Also thank the mailman for bringing you your mails, thank the policeman for making your place safe and thank God for being alive.

News is stressful. Get less of it. Some people just can't start their day without their daily dose of news. Try and think about it, 99% of the news we hear or read is bad news. Starting the day with bad news does not seem to be a sensible thing to do.

A religious connection is also recommended. Being part of a religious group with its singing, sacraments, chanting, prayers and meditations foster inner peace.

Manage your time. Time is invaluable and too important to waste. Time management can be viewed  as a list of rules that involves scheduling, setting goals, planning, creating lists of things to do and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you desire.

Laugh and laugh heartily everyday.  Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. As they also say -'Laughter is the best medicine'.
 
Express your feelings, affections, friendship and passion to people around you. They will most likely reciprocate your actions. Try not to keep pent up anger of frustrations, this is bad for your health. Instead find ways of expressing them in a way that will not cause more injury or hurt to anyone.
 
Working hard brings tremendous personal satisfaction. It gives a feeling of being competent in finishing our tasks. Accomplishments are necessary for all of us, they give us a sense of value. Work on things that you feel worthy of your time.

Learning is a joyful exercise. Try and learn something new everyday.  Learning also makes us expand and broaden our horizons. And could also give us more opportunities in the future.

Run, jog, walk and do other things that your body was made for. Feel alive.

Avoid exposure to negative elements like loud noises, toxins and hazardous places.

These are the few simple things you can do everyday to be happy.

And always remember the quote from Abraham Lincoln, he says that, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

A Better You: Your 7 days program to self-improvement

I seem to lost count on how many times I've read and heard of celebrity marriages failing almost left and right. Not that I care (and personally I don't), it seems strange that we often see movie and TV stars as flawless people, living the fairytale life of riches and glamour. I suppose we all have to stop sticking our heads in the clouds and face reality.

There are many ways to lose your sense of self-esteem despite of how trivial it could get. But whatever happens, we should all try not to lose our own sense of self.

So what does it take to be a cut above the rest? Here are some of the things you can think and improve on that should be enough for a week.

1. Know your purpose
Are you wandering through life with little direction - hoping that you'll find happiness, health and prosperity? Identify your life purpose or mission statement and you will have your own unique compass that will lead you to your truth north every time.

This may seem tricky at first when you see yourself to be in a tight or even dead end. But there's always that little loophole to turn things around and you can make a big difference to yourself.

2. Know your values
What do you value most? Make a list of your top 5 values. Some examples are security, freedom, family, spiritual development, learning. As you set your goals for 2005 - check your goals against your values. If the goal doesn't align with any of your top five values - you may want to reconsider it or revise it.

The number shouldn't discourage you, instead it should motivate you to do more than you can ever dreamed of.

3. Know your needs
Unmet needs can keep you from living authentically. Take care of yourself. Do you have a need to be acknowledged, to be right, to be in control, to be loved? There are so many people who lived their lives without realizing their dreams and most of them end up being stressed or even depressed for that matter. List your top four needs and get them met before it's too late!

4. Know your passions
You know who you are and what you truly enjoy in life. Obstacles like doubt and lack of enthusiasm will only hinder you, but will not derail your chance to become the person you ought to be. Express yourself and honor the people who has inspired you to become the very person you wanted to be.

5. Live from the inside out
Increase your awareness of your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting in silence. Commune with nature. Breathe deeply to quiet your distracted mind. For most of us city slickers it's hard to even find the peace and quiet we want even in our own home. In my case I often just sit in a dimly lit room and play some classical music. There's sound, yes, but music does soothe the savage beast.

6. Honor your strengths
What are your positive traits? What special talents do you have? List three - if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help identify these. Are you imaginative, witty, good with your hands? Find ways to express your authentic self through your strengths. You can increase your self-confidence when you can share what you know to others.

7. Serve others
When you live authentically, you may find that you develop an interconnected sense of being. When you are true to who you are, living your purpose and giving of your talents to the world around you, you give back in service what you came to share with others -your spirit - your essence. The rewards for sharing your gift with those close to you is indeed rewarding, much more if it were to be the eyes of a stranger who can appreciate what you have done to them.

Find more self-improvement related info and similar program at http://www.selfimprovement.thegreat.info

Self-improvement is indeed one type of work that is worth it. It shouldn't always be within the confines of an office building, or maybe in the four corners of your own room. The difference lies within ourselves and how much we want to change for the better.

3 Keys To Boosting Your Inner Confidence

I've been coaching for a few years now, and the biggest thing I've learnt - both for me and for my clients - is that inner confidence is the key to it all.

There are all kinds of strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behavior and practical tips for improving your life and feeling better about yourself, but they're all redundant if the foundation isn't there. That foundation is the real you, the you that you know deep down you are. The trick is that it takes confidence to find that and to bring out who you are – here are the three keys to real inner confidence.

1. Get To Know Your Values

Personal values are a big passion of mine and I often get carried away with myself when I talk about them. I make no apology for that though – they’re one of the most important things you can know about yourself and are vital in getting genuine inner confidence. Your values are ten thousand feet down inside you, right at the very core of who you are; and they’re the building blocks, the foundations and cornerstones for you. A value is something in yourself, in others or in the world that’s most important to you, and could include things like respect, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement or freedom.

Why is it that some people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, demotivated or deflated? It’s because one or more of your values is being denied, suppressed or repressed – and we experience that as a negative experience because it’s denying a fundamental piece of who you are. You know those times when you’ve felt really alive, amazing or buzzing? Those are the times when one or more of your values are being honored, and you can get more of that by living according to them.

Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away. You can have absolute confidence in them because they’re there all the time just waiting for you to notice them and use them. When you get to know your values, you can start to make choices and align your life around them. It’s so simple and it feels amazing because all that really means is that you’re allowing who you are to live in the real world.

2. Trust Yourself

People spend too much time looking for signs that they’re doing the right thing or on the right path. Sometimes we get that by hearing that we’re doing well at work, sometimes it could be encouragement from a friend or loved one, and sometimes we get that feedback by seeing our material wealth or possessions growing.

But rather than looking on the outside for those signs, how about looking on the inside at what you’re telling yourself? How about trusting yourself to do the best thing and make great choices? How about trusting your own insights and using your own intuition? I’ve seen those ideas scare the bejeezus out of people and you know why? Because it makes you accountable and responsible for what you get. If you trust yourself implicitly and you make the wrong choice, you’ve got nobody else to blame.

But the fact is that we all make mistakes and we’ll all continue to make mistakes. So how would it be if you could trust yourself to get through anything and trust yourself to continue making choices that serve you well – even if sometimes you screw up? That’s the kind of trust I’m talking about, and that’s genuine inner confidence.

Start by listening to yourself and noticing what your intuition is telling you. Be aware of that little voice inside you or those gut reactions you get and pay attention to what they’re telling you. Trust yourself to make decisions, trust yourself to adapt and trust that you’re good enough to have, do or be whatever you want. True confidence will follow.

3. Exercise the Muscle

Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle you need to exercise it so that it doesn’t shrink and waste away. The problem is that unlike your biceps or glutes, which tend to stay in the same place, your confidence muscle can be harder to find. How do you develop your biceps or firm up your glutes? By doing exercises that are designed to work that muscle over a period of time until you see the results you were looking for.

It’s just the same with confidence. Let’s say that you’re the kind of person that doesn’t take many risks, the kind of person who goes through each day doing what needs to be done and doing it well, but not really stretching yourself. You might talk yourself out of doing something because it’s too scary or because you think to yourself ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘that’s not who I am’ or ‘I don’t really want it anyway.’ That kind of person lives within what they know and what keeps them safe and comfortable. The fewer risks they take, the less confident they need to be and so the less confident they become.

To work your confidence muscle you need to be prepared to take risks – big or small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction, to try something new or try something in a slightly different way. You need to open yourself up to the possibilities around you and push yourself to increase what you know, what you do and who you are. The more open you are to risk, opportunity and possibility the more confident you need to be, and so the more confidence you’ll develop. That’s your confidence muscle – the question is, what are you going to do to exercise it?"

Five More Ways To Escape Uncomfortable Feelings of Low Self-Esteem and Poor Self-Confidence

people live their entire lives without getting to the source of what originally caused their feelings of low self-esteem.  Because they are unaware of how they can heal their painful past and reframe the circumstances that originally resulted in interpretations of being unworthy, unlovable, or deficient in some way, most people instead often resort to finding ways to distract themselves from the unpleasant sensations that accompany feeling inferior. Instead of effectively silencing the nagging voice of past hurts, they seek out distractions to help them temporarily forget about their lacking confidence and deficient self-image. Five of the more common ways to relieve the pain of low self-esteem and poor self-confidence involve excessive attention to work, food, sports, sex, or even shopping. Like all addictions, they help to distract from but do not resolve the underlying problem and so one is still plagued by feelings that will continually require greater efforts from which to hide.

Workaholism

In our culture, work is usually an acceptable means of diverting our attention. Through hard work, we busy ourselves to the extent that we lack the free time needed to brood over our sorrows. Those who work excessively are often too tired to worry about a lacking social life or the pursuit of fun pastimes that they often likewise believe they do not deserve to experience. Work provides rewards such as money, recognition, and a feeling of accomplishment, all of which help to compensate for feelings of failure in other areas of life.

It’s not that a commitment to work is bad. In fact, it is quite admirable as just one component to a well-balanced life. However, when pursued to excess, it doesn’t allow for the honoring of other equally important elements such as a commitment to family, friends, fun, recreation, personal and spiritual development, etc. An obsession with work can take its toll on health, relationships, and missed opportunities for other equally valuable pursuits.

Moreover, when work is undertaken from the perspective that one is ‘not good enough’ in one or more aspects of their being, it can’t be fully enjoyed. Feelings of low self confidence and little self-esteem diminish one’s energy by consuming attention that could have been spent more productively in the joyful pursuit of one’s goals, rather than as a distraction from persistent negative self-talk.

Over-Eating

Like working excessively, an obsession with food is often a common escape from feelings of unworthiness. Eating can serve both as a distraction and a way to make ourselves feel better temporarily. We often seek from food the emotional connection that we are lacking in close, intimate relationships. Frequently, food is linked in our minds to happy times with family or friends. Perhaps we experienced food rewards from our parents or authority figures for scholastic or sports accomplishments. For many, food has become synonymous with love. And so in times of stress, fear, and loneliness, many turn to food to fill a void that only love and self-fulfillment can satisfy.

Habitual overeating also results in being out of shape, overweight, and generally unattractive in the paradigm of Western modern-day culture. The more one eats as a substitute for missing self-love and intimacy with others, the more obese he or she is likely to become. This in turn reinforces the feeling that the heavier the person becomes, the less she fits in and the lower her self-esteem and self-confidence plummets. The greater the feelings of loneliness and not fitting in that result, the more she is likely to seek comfort in food (especially the high carbohydrate, high fat, high comfort variety). A vicious cycle is thus set in motion ensuring more weight gain and lower self-esteem.

Sports and Other Physical Outlets

Some people run to overcome feelings of loneliness, boredom, depression or lacking self-worth. Some pump iron, play golf, or work out at the gym while others find their own unique way to divert their focus through exercise, hobbies, or sports. Many would argue that such a diversion is a healthy way to funnel energy into an activity that contributes to good physical health. However, like any obsession, when taken to the extreme for the purpose of diverting attention from issues in need of resolution, it can become an unhealthy means of avoiding areas in serious need of attention.

Sex

An obsession with sex outside of a healthy, loving relationship can likewise become a means of distraction to take the focus away from self-esteem and self-confidence issues. Whether it’s Internet porn sites, an obsession with strip clubs, or the need for frequent casual sexual encounters, all serve as an effort to numb the pain of isolation. Ironically, the greater the obsession to connect with others through meaningless sexual experiences, the greater one’s sense of isolation will likely become.

Shopping

Another common obsession to compensate for a low self-image is shopping. While some find temporary comfort in making themselves feel more attractive by purchasing the latest, most stylish clothes, shoes, accessories, or even cars and other expensive toys if their budget allows (and many times even if it does not!), compulsive shoppers find that the comfort they seek in material items is typically short lived. They often fool themselves into thinking that next new dress, sport coat, outfit or cologne purchase will make the difference they seek in having them feel better about themselves. Sadly, it never does. However, all too often such excessive spending sprees send the shopaholic deeper into debt. This further reinforces or worsens the failure interpretation they already possessed and continues to diminish their self-esteem and confidence level.

There are countless other addictions that people resort to in an effort to find meaning in life when their own self-worth is lacking. Whether it is compulsive gambling, studying, puttering in the yard, decorating the house, or whatever other diversion, those who lack inner peace will not soon find it externally with a focus that seeks to cover up feelings of being unworthy or unlovable.

Thankfully, there IS a way to reclaim one’s self-worth and restore self-esteem to a high level providing internal comfort and fulfillment. For a complete roadmap to reclaiming self-esteem, visit TheSelfEsteemBook.com and discover all details of this strong authentic formula that will assist you in boosting your self-esteem and self-confidence.